I just threw up on my dentist
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Life is so much better after having sex.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
