dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
