Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize