he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize