I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
