my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
