I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize