Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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