I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize