So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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