If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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