I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
