She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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