Your mouth is God's brothel.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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