Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize