I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
