so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize