Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
