I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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