God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
