I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
