Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
