I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
