Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
