I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
