is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
