Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
