you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
