I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
be right there i have to get my cape
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
