R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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