in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm too high and old for this...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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