oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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