dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
