im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
