some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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