Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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