She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
