There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
