So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
