too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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