First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
