I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
