Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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