well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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