That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
