i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
