next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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