i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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