I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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