I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
