If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
