if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
