I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
