Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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