Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I got chris browned last night
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
