It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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