I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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