my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
