Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
