My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
