he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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