Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
